I am the pianist for our church choir. I am just an average player. In fact, I started taking lessons again about a year ago to improve my skill. ( I hadn't played since high school).
It was our Christmas program on Sunday. The choir was responsible for 3 songs: "The First Noel", an arrangement of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" and our finale piece and arrangement of "What Child is This?" I anguished so much of whether I was the person to be playing. We have a couple of young ladies that play effortless and beautifully. I have to practice and practice and hope and pray a lot. I went back and forth whether I should back out and let someone else perform these special pieces. I didn't want to hinder the spirit of the meeting with the music stumbling along. There was a solo section in the "I Heard the Bells" and I didn't want to ruin his part by me being inadequate and we also had a cello accompanying with me on "What Child is This". My husband kept telling me I would do OK. But that was just it - I wanted to do more than just ok! I want those listening to be touched by His spirit through the music being offered.
I was sick with worry.
During my practice session and lesson on Friday, I had a thought. I had done my part. I had practiced and practiced and now I could ask, in prayer, for Him to fill in what I was missing. So that is what I did. I deemed Saturday to be my last practice and to leave the rest to the Lord.
Sunday morning before our meeting started, we had choir practice. It didn't go well. I started to worry again. I had to remind myself that I had done my part and to trust Him, over and over again. The meeting started and I can't say I remember more than the speaker before us, hands were shaking. It was our turn.. . .
It was beautiful!!! Did I play perfectly -- no. BUT I played better than I ever had and the mistakes I made weren't noticeable. I WAS BLESSED! I wish I could express in words my feelings when we were done, but I can't. I can tell you that as I write this, tears still come to my eyes in gratitude for that blessing and the joy it brought to me in being reminded that prayers are answered and the simple joys in life are the best.
My goal for 2011 is to live my life more in tune with His spirit and like the Wise Men -- SEEK HIM!